Surviving the Holidays with a Toddler: A Gay Dad’s Guide to Holiday Chaos (and Joy)

The holidays are here! That magical time of year when twinkling lights fill the air, family traditions come alive, and you’re 99% sure your toddler is plotting against you. As a gay dad, I’m no stranger to the holiday rollercoaster. There’s the joy of creating inclusive traditions, the delight of watching little faces light up, and the sheer terror of realizing you forgot the toddler snacks at Aunt Terri's house.

If you’ve ever found yourself clutching your coffee like it’s a life raft while your toddler refuses to wear their festive sweater (I’ve been there), this guide is for you. Let’s make this season one to remember—for all the right reasons.

1. Stick to a Routine (As Much as Possible... Good Luck!)

Toddlers love routine. You know what they don’t love? Being dragged to six different holiday gatherings and brunches in one day while being told to “be on their best behavior” (what does that even mean?). While sticking to a routine during the holidays feels as likely as a toddler sitting still for family photos, it’s still worth trying.

• Prioritize Sleep: Whether you’re home, at Grandma’s, or in a hotel room that smells weird, nap times are sacred. My husband and I have turned into traveling nap ninjas—we bring sound machines, blackout curtains (yes, the portable ones), and anything else to keep our toddler from going full holiday gremlin.

• Food is Everything: Listen, I’m all about inclusivity, but that does not extend to holiday buffets when it comes to my toddler. I always pack a full meal’s worth of their go-to foods because I’ve learned that “I’m not hungry” side-eye can instantly turn into a catastrophic hunger strike when the turkey appears.

• Plan Downtime: Toddlers don’t care that Uncle Mike drove four hours to see them—sometimes, they just need a break. Find a quiet room or even a car ride to let them recharge. Bonus: it’s a great excuse to sneak away for a moment of parental sanity.

2. Manage Expectations (And Your Sanity)

Let me set the scene: It’s Christmas morning, and you’ve envisioned your family snuggling by the fire in matching pajamas while holiday music plays softly in the background. Cut to reality—your toddler is naked, throwing wrapping paper in the air like confetti, and someone just stepped on a Lego (it was probably you).

• Forget Perfection: Seriously, let it go. We’re not in a Hallmark movie, and that’s okay. Embrace the chaos, take messy photos, and know that the imperfect moments are often the ones you’ll cherish most.

• Talk to Family: Not everyone will understand why your toddler doesn’t want to sit on Santa’s lap or why you don’t want Aunt Jane force-feeding them pie. Be clear about your boundaries, and don’t feel guilty about advocating for your kid.

• The “Pick Your Battles” Rule: Does your toddler want to wear a superhero cape to the family dinner? Great. Are they singing “Baby Shark” on repeat while Grandma recites grace? Sure. As long as they’re safe and happy, let it go.

3. Pack a Holiday Survival Kit (You’re Basically Santa)

Every gay dad knows that preparation is everything. A well-stocked bag can turn a holiday disaster into a minor inconvenience—or at least keep your toddler from going nuclear during Grandma’s “just one more story” speech.

My Holiday Survival Essentials:

• Snacks (and More Snacks): I’m talking goldfish crackers, applesauce pouches, and enough Cheerios to feed a small village.

• Entertainment: Quiet books, stickers, and crayons are lifesavers. Bonus tip: bring a small toy or two and wrap them like gifts—your toddler gets excited, and you buy yourself 15 minutes of peace.

• Comfort Objects: Blankie? Check. Stuffed animal that’s been loved into oblivion? Check. Pacifier or sippy cup? Double check.

• Emergency Clothes: Because a toddler will find a way to spill juice on their pants, even if no juice is in sight.

Pro tip: I once packed a single toy train that kept my child entertained for an entire car ride. Best day of my life.

4. Create Traditions That Work for Your Family

As LGBTQ+ parents, creating new traditions can feel both liberating and meaningful. For me and my husband, it’s about building memories that reflect who we are and celebrating the love that defines our family.

• Simple Baking (With a Toddler Twist): Picture this: flour in everyone’s hair, cookies that look like blobs, and one very happy toddler covered in frosting. Worth it.

• Holiday Lights Adventure: Strap that kid into a stroller or car seat and drive around looking at lights. It’s magic for toddlers, and you get to enjoy the quiet.

• Story Time in Pajamas: We read holiday books every night leading up to Christmas. My personal favorite? The Christmas Truck, written by someone with whom Papá went to college.

• Dance Parties: Holiday music + a toddler with questionable dance moves = instant joy.

Your traditions don’t need to be Instagram-perfect; they just need to be yours.

5. Avoid Toddler Overload (and Keep Your Cool)

Toddlers have two speeds: adorable angels or fiery tornadoes. The holidays have a special way of pushing them into the tornado zone. Know the warning signs—whining, zoning out, or suddenly becoming a puddle on the floor—and act fast.

• Create an Escape Plan: Every gathering needs an escape route. My husband and I have perfected the art of the “whoops, gotta go!” exit.

• Take Breaks: When things get too loud or chaotic, step away for a moment. It’s okay to hit pause.

• Remember They’re Little: Your toddler isn’t out to ruin the holidays—they’re just doing their best in a very big, very sparkly world.

6. The Real Magic? Connection Over Perfection

At the end of the day, the holidays are about connection. Not picture-perfect photos or matching wrapping paper—just being together. Toddlers don’t care if the cookies burned or if you forgot to send holiday cards. They care that you’re there, laughing with them, loving them, and creating memories.

So slow down. Embrace the mess. Sing loud. Take the blurry photos. And remember—you’re doing an amazing job.

Wishing you all a joyful, chaotic, and love-filled holiday season from our family to yours. You’ve got this!

 

Love,

Dad & Papá